Bitter Sweet...

So as the last few days of work approach I am having such mixed feelings it's not even funny. For those of you who don't know, I work in a special ed preschool with kids with severe autism. Whenever I tell anyone this the first thing they say is 'how can you do that? It must be so hard.' And honestly, some days I wonder how we're going to make it through the hour, but the good days so far outweigh the bad. Whenever I see something about Autism on TV it's always focused on tantrums and how hard it is to deal with the behavior. I've never really seen anything that looks beyond the behavior to show how really sweet and lovable these kids can be. They laugh and play just like other kids, but a lot of times just in a different way. And the joy it brings to watch them discover new things and learn new skills is just indescribable. I had one of those Ah-ha moments a few weeks ago when one of our parents came in to pick up the child I was working with. As they were about to walk out the door, my little guy suddenly broke away from his dad and ran back over to where I was sitting and threw his arms around me and placed a big juicy kiss on my cheek. I'll admit that I had to hold back tears... kids with autism have delayed social skills and for him to spontaneously show affection like that reminded me so much of why I do what I do and I love it so much.

But now the school year is coming to an end and more than half of our kids will be moving on this year. It's going to be so hard to let them go. I feel like I'm letting go of my own kids and can't help but wonder if their next teachers will be good enough. If they'll keep up with their programs and keep them going in the right direction. To relinquish that control on them will be hard. And not to mention how much I am going to miss these kids. I've spent 30 hours a week with them for the past year and you can't help but form an attachment to them. While it's great that they're progressing and moving on, I am soooo sad to be letting them go.